Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
