I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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