I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
