Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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