May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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