The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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