Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
