I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
