he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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