I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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