This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are a genius and a whore.
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