i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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