Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
