We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
