I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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