yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
