I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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