remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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