well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
