you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
