i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize