My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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