meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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