dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
