apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
