He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
