It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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