He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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