and she was petting her beer can
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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