finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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