Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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