you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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