I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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