Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she peed on how many people?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
