its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
