Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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