Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I supernannyed him into submission
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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