I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
