I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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