Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
