i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
