im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
