So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
