not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You made out with two different species that night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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