yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
