Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
