I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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