foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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