I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
