just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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