Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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