Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
