brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
