I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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