When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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