tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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