I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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