its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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