Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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