there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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