Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
