I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
