ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My vagina is officially offended.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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