I only kidnapped one of them. chill
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
