What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
