Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
