Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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