12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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