The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
