I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
