How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
