i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
