fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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