I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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