Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
