I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
