I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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