I can text with my tongue
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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