On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
