Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
