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There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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