I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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