Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
